𝑩𝒀- 𝑬𝑮𝑼𝑵𝑮𝑾𝑼 𝑪𝑯𝑼𝑲𝑾𝑼𝑲𝑨 𝑩𝑬𝑵𝑱𝑨𝑴𝑰𝑵
Paying a bride price does not grant automatic consent, and forcing intimacy on a partner is basically sexual slavery. Last week, national newspapers highlighted a crucial clarification from Lagos State Director of Public Prosecutions, Dr. Babajide Martins. Addressing journalists at the launch of Domestic and Sexual Violence Awareness month organized by the DSVA, he firmly stressed that marital rape is illegal.
I shared this vital report on my website and cross-posted it to Nairaland with full credit to the original source, not expecting a quiet room, but the reaction was heated. Within days, the thread pulled in over ten thousand views and more than a hundred comments.
The response came mostly from men, and it quickly became clear that the message struck deeply raw nerves. Many made it clear they wanted nothing to do with the law. Some made predictive statements like, "marriage will soon start taking place without the payment of dowry or bride price," while others derailed the debate entirely to hurl insults at the ministry.
This reaction tells us a lot. When the government has to remind people that forcing yourself on your spouse is a crime, it shows that many men do not want to talk about respect or personal rights. Instead, they act like paying a bride price gives them permanent permission to do whatever they want.
Let’s break down this topic, as it is a matter of public interest. Marriage is a legally and socially recognized union between two people to create a family. If sexual satisfaction were the sole aim, one could seek it anywhere, provided there is mutual agreement. Marriage is established for companionship, family stability, and procreation to raise children, which forms a home.
To make a union legal and recognized, families come together for a proper introduction, the exchange of vows, and cultural rites. A token from the groom and his family given to the bride’s family is not meant to purchase a woman, but to build a bridge between both families. When the bride price is formally returned, that bridge is pulled down, signifying that ties are severed. Ask yourself: if bride prices were actually a purchase price, exactly how much do you think a woman is worth?
This is why it is essential for the bride’s family not to use marriage lists or bride prices as a means to extort or recover everything they spent raising a daughter. Doing so fosters a dangerous mindset like; "I paid an exorbitant bride price and spent a fortune to marry her; therefore, she has no rights. I will recover all my expenses through abuse and maintain wicked control over her."
Remember, the two individuals met, fell in love, reached an agreement, and decided to unite legally. It was never a kidnapping or an act of the slave trade.
Forcing sex in a marriage strips a person of their basic human right to say "no." Yet, some men in the comment section argued that this law could be weaponized by disgruntled partners, claiming the system inherently favours one side.
These cases are undeniably very delicate. While making some research, I discovered that the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Law and the Lagos State Criminal Law require meeting strict legal standards. A single, unverified statement is never enough for a court judgment.
Due process dictates that an accused person is innocent until proven guilty, and sufficient evidence is required before a court can make a lawful decision. There is no need to attack the ministry for clarifying the law. At the same time, it is vital to remember that individuals of any gender can be victims of non-consensual sex in marriages.
Judges look at medical reports, police statements, and accounts from witnesses when available, especially from family members, neighbours, or friends. They carefully check for inconsistencies in the accounts presented, corroborating evidence, and any past record of domestic violence. Most times, individuals who carry out nonconsensual sex in marriages also abuse or batter their partners, as both often occur together. However, this is not the case in all instances.
At the end of the day, the heated arguments on Nairaland show how much confusion still surrounds how the law operates inside a home. While protecting people from abuse is essential, the legal process must also remain transparent and very rigorous so that justice is truly served.
The Ministry of Justice and the DSVA can help clear this topic up by addressing the core anxiety many online commenters expressed. Questions like: In private family disputes where only the couple was present, if one partner says consent was withdrawn, what kind of proof or evidence is required? How does the law protect real victims, and at the same time protect innocent husbands or wives from false or made-up claims?
To round this topic up, the law sets the boundary, but love builds the home within it. A happy marriage is built on much more than legal rules. Based on my observation and teachings, it takes teamwork, respect, and mutual sacrifice. When friction arises, couples must talk things through and settle their differences peacefully. That is the only true foundation for the dignity and partnership that marriage is meant to embody.